visit

I had a really good visit with my mom today. Some days I can just be in the moment and enjoy the time that I have with her but other times, like yesterday, I get overwhelmed with fear and sadness. I was tired but she didn't need anything done, so I laid on the sofa and she sat in her comfy chair and we watched boob tube for an hour or so. We didn't talk much. I think that we might have snored at each other a couple of times though. It was really comfortable and nice. I don't know if I will get over there tomorrow but I will be going over on Friday. I owe her money, she has become obsessed with money lately and I'm going to try to get her some French onion soup from Tim Hortons. She said that she's been craving it lately.

I've decided to stop nagging her so much about if she is taking care of herself, eating, taking her pills, etc. I mean this disease is very serious and the end is coming one way or another, I don't want to be a bitch in her last days. I didn't even think about what I was doing until I went to visit with my husband and son. When we got back my husband observed that I peppered her with questions and suggestions the whole time. I don't want to be like that. I just hope that she doesn't suffer too much. I really don't like to think of her being alone so much of the time, but I don't know what to do about that. I have my family to take care of. Guilt sure is a pain in the ass sometimes.